While You Were Sleeping...

Mark,

Since it's night in Singapore when it's day in Chicago, I thought I'd let you know what's been going on while you were sleeping.  (At least theoretically...if you weren't staying up working all hours of the night.  If only the movie had been titled While You Would Have Been Sleeping.)

Your oldest little girl lost her other bottom tooth.  She's very pleased that she can stick her tongue through the gap. 

Fortunately, she put her tooth in a bag to save it and put it on the Seven.  Unfortunately, Mommy was cleaning up for company and saw an empty (almost) bag on the Seven and didn't see a teensy weensy tooth in the bag and...well, I had to tell Cali that Mommy lost Cali's lost tooth.  Fortunately, Cali wrote this letter to the tooth fairy. 

Unfortunately, Cali didn't get to use the letter, because Daddy helped Mommy remember that there was a tooth in a bag in his drawer.  Fortunately, Cali was satisfied that her tooth had been found and put it under her pillow.  Unfortunately, the tooth fairy didn't come and the tooth was still under the pillow the next morning.  Fortunately, Mommy was able to tell Cali that Daddy had asked the tooth fairy not to come until he came home.

Cali was Star of the Week.  Grandma helped Cali make her star of the week poster, which turned out beautifully.


Your middle girl got woken up by some very loud thunder two nights ago.  Ever since, any time she goes to bed for a nap or for night night, she wakes up crying and saying, "I scary."  (This is Tacy's current dialect of choice.  She switches the object and subject of a sentence.  When she wants her diaper changed, she says, "  'ant change you."  Translation:  I want you to change me.)  That must have been some wicked thunder; she is so scared she is shaking when you go in to comfort her and tell her to go back to sleep.  She also begs for Grandma to come in and stay with her.



Your baby girl has been her usual cute self. 



Tacy "read" the baby Dr. Suess's One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish, and I think the baby appreciated the book more than you do.

 

Your baby girl rolled over for the first time.  Don't get too worked up that you missed this milestone; I missed it too.  She saved the performance for Grandma while I was out picking kids up from school.  While I was missing my baby rolling over for the first time, I was being treated to the following conversation:

R:  My science project was called, "Can You Smell?"

J: My science project was a leaf collection.

R to Cali:  You didn't do a science project.

Cali, crying:  Don't say that.  You hurt my feelings when you say that.

Me to R: Cali wanted to do a science project but I told her she couldn't do one.
(Science projects were optional for Kindergarteners and I thought it was a good year to avoid unnecessary work.)

R:  I'm sorry Cali.  I didn't know that.

R:  Did you know that Layelle had pictures of dead rabbits on his science project?

Me:  Why were there pictures of dead rabbits?
(Trying my hardest to think of any kid-appropriate experiments that might lead to dead rabbits, but being unable to do so.)

R:  They were dead because they were pregnant.

Cali:  I didn't know rabbits could be pregnant!

R:  If they couldn't be pregnant, then there would only ever be ONE rabbit ever!

Etc. Etc. Etc.  This conversation got cut short by arguments about whether Cali's color-changing crocs were a darker blue than J's blue backpack. 




We spent a beautiful afternoon at the park with Grandma where Cali is fearless and Tacy is fearful.

 









Both Tacy and I have subjected Katie to our hair-fixing whims.  Katie's been a good sport.





I may or may not have forced Mom and Katie to eat Kumquats before they could eat Sprinkles cupcakes.

And our peaceful picnic lunch at the Japanese Gardens changed into a less-than-peaceful picnic lunch when we were joined by an entire third grade field-tripping class.

But the Segway ride I was afraid would be canceled for the weather turned into a delightful private tour when no one else showed up.

And now we're just starting Mother's Day.  Cali surprised me with a teacup she decorated at school, with a teabag tucked inside.

And don't worry.  I'm sure we can find more trouble to involve ourselves in before you get home.

Love,
Your Not-So-Little Girl

For Just A Moment In Time

www.lindsaysalazar.com

New Motherhood is Unpredictable

Three Babies. Three Experiences.

Cali: Even though Cali was my first, I didn't have any strong initial feelings about having a new baby. (That came later.) I think I was too naive to know what just happened. I just kept expecting life to return to normal and I couldn't figure out why normal was so different.

"That gooey bundle they just plopped on my stomach isn't what I was expecting. I thought babies were supposed to start screaming when they were born. Who is this baby the nurses keep bringing back to me? What is this thing called breastfeeding? How can Seven Pounds make life so complicated? Eighteen years sounds like a long time. Forever seems overwhelming."


Tacy: My initial reaction to Tacy was such a strong feeling of love and possession. Not a selfish possession, but that overwhelming feeling that Tacy was my baby...mine to love, keep, and take care of. I felt such a sense of ownership that I didn't feel as if she belonged to Mark in any way. I belonged to Mark, and Tacy belonged to me.

"Mark, could you take me home from the hospital? I have a beautiful new baby I need to take home." (It was great while it lasted. Each of my girls have turned in to Daddy's girls as soon as they are old enough to figure out what they really want.)


Rachel: At the hospital, I wondered what would rush over me this time. After Mark handed the baby to me to hold, he kept asking if I was happy. I kept assuring him that I was, even though I couldn't get myself to smile. Here's what was really going through my head:

"Thank heavens that nightmare is over. I am tired. Too tired to feel anything except relief that the nightmare is over. Mark, thanks for helping me survive the delivery, the day, the last nine months. What? The nightmare is over and I get a new baby? What a nice bonus. I think I'm too tired to hold her. (Does she seem so heavy to you? I'll just set her down here in my lap.)"


Three different experiences. Three beautiful babies.

Santa's Helper Gets Visited By The Tooth Fairy

Cali decided to keep a list of the "Naughty Things" that her younger sister did. She added a check mark for each additional time Tacy did something. (Tacy was having a rough night...)


Even Santa can't keep track of all that naughtiness. Especially the "making me do things" naughtiness.

And hopefully Santa's newly self-appointed helper will lose her list before Christmas rolls around. We all could use a clean slate every now and then...

About a week ago, Santa's naughty-list maker told me her tooth hurt. I hoped this meant that she had somehow scratched her gums rather than having a cavity. I told her to tell me if it still hurt in a couple days.

The next day, Cali told me she thought she had a loose tooth. I distractedly told her to come let me feel it. I dismissed the idea before I even felt in her mouth because I knew how badly she wanted to have a loose tooth. I figured it was wishful thinking.

Boy, was I surprised!!! Her tooth was practically falling out. She was ecstatic at the diagnosis! On February 4th, (Cali has kept track of the day) it came out. Cali didn't want Rachel to get all the attention, I guess.

The very stealthy tooth fairy left her some Skittles and a two-dollar bill. (I've never heard of the tooth fairy leaving candy behind, but I figure it's because she's trying to drum up new business.)

Number One and Two, Meet Number Three

Zofran Made Me Cry This Morning

(Well Kate, if you're going to make it look so good, I'm going to have to post something!)

I found my zofran in the cupboard this morning and got all teary-eyed. I'm only three days removed and the relief that I didn't need to be taking it and that it's now so irrelevant made relief wash over me so strongly.

And why don't I need the zofran anymore? Well, that's the good news.

Announcing:

Rachel Nicole Hendricks
January 26th, 2012
8 pounds 12 ounces
20.5 inches long



Before:

After:


Never had a baby with this much chub before.


This is the one-in-the-morning-half-an-epidural-wearing-off-has-left-me-traumatized look.


This is that two-in-the-morning-I'm-not-pregnant-anymore smile. (The nurse on the left was fantastic.)


Being held by The Boss.


Being held by The Boss's Boss.



Being held by The Boss's Boss's Boss.


Multiple Choice Quiz:

According to the picture below, Rachel is...

a. excited to go out and conquer the world
b. thinks her dignity is being destroyed by having her picture taken wearing giant polka dots
c. wishes she were big enough to refuse being strapped in to her car seat
d. flustered that Mommy and Daddy keep calling her Tacy

Fears

I have recently thought a bit about fears. Not the boogy-man-under-your-bed kind of fears. Not those childish kinds of fears. Real ones. Ones we don't even want to admit to. Maybe I've been thinking about them because I'm having to face down my number one fear. But here's my top ten list of fears.


10. Cockroaches

Nasty, nasty things. You don't want them around, but killing them creates a very unpleasant sensation. You know the crunch I'm talking about.

9. The Post-Stay-At-Home-Mom Stage

This is the fear that I'll wake up from having been a stay-at-home mom for 30 years and realize I don't know what to do with myself. That I'll realize that I'm pretty much useless to an employer unless the job is changing diapers and doing laundry. I love being a stay-at-home mom. I love it a lot. (Not the laundry part, actually.) I love that Mark sacrifices a lot to let me do it. I just worry about what happens after.

8. That I can't lose the pregnancy weight.

This used to be a bigger fear. Now that I've done it twice, I know I can do it again, even if it takes a long time. I just worry that no matter how much work and determination I have, somehow I won't be able to get healthy again.

7. Spiders.

My first reaction upon encountering a spider is to scream. (Call it what you will. Scream. Screech. Yelp. Squeal. Or some combination of all of them.) Next I call for Mark. While I wait for Mark to arrive, I stand in crouched position--ready to run if the spider comes closer, but never removing my eyes off the target. Then I turn the whole business over to Mark. Sort of.

I used to stand behind him while he did the deed. If he got it, I'd scream in anxiety. If he missed it, I'd scream in more anxiety.

This caused Mark to kick me out of a room while he killed the thing. This causes me to doubt that the thing actually got killed. This causes him to walk toward me with the tissue, offering to let me see it. This causes me to scream in anxiety. (The poor man can't win. Especially now that anytime one of the little girls sees the tiniest of bugs, they scream and run for Daddy.)

6. The End of the Fairy Tale.

Waking up and realizing that my fairy-tale life isn't a fairy tale anymore. That all the happiness and satisfaction that I derive from life has been unsustainable. This could happen in a lot of ways. A marriage falling apart, chronic illness, etc.

5. Realizing that I'm just like my mother.

4. Realizing that I'm not just like my mother.

3. Car accidents.

The bad kind. The kind where not everyone walks away. Or worse yet, the kind where not everyone walks away and it's your fault.

2. Mother Fears

This is all-inclusive. The fears that you're somehow ruining your child. The fears that you're not loving them enough. The fear that you'll find out tomorrow that your child has some horrible, incurable sickness. The fear that someone will harm your child. The fear that your child will never speak because they aren't speaking as soon as you think they should. The fear that they will disappear into thin air and you will never know what happened. The fear that your child will suffer pain that you cannot alleviate. All of them. All the fears that lurk in the back of a mother's mind and cause premature gray hair.

They're worse than debt. Like debt and interest, it "never sleeps nor sickens nor dies; it never takes a vacation; it is never laid off work nor discharged from employment; it never works on reduced hours; Once 'a mother', 'worry' is your companion every minute of the day and night; you cannot shun it or slip away from it; you cannot dismiss it; it yields neither to entreaties, demands, or orders; and whenever you get in its way or cross its course or fail to meet its demands, it crushes you."

Also, like interest, Mother Fears build up over time.

There is one difference though. Debt won't follow you past the grave. I have a feeling, Mother Fears do.

1. Pregnancy.

Now, I know this isn't the worst thing that can happen to you. For instance, it would be much, much worse to have your spouse die than to find out you're pregnant. But combining likelihoods with consequences, this reaches my number one. And this is despite the fact that the burden of pregnancy has been made lighter by many generous people. But it's still the beast I least want to face. After Tacy was born, I swore that if I ever got a positive pregnancy test again, I'd probably cry. I was wrong. I didn't cry. Instead, I started shaking so uncontrollably I had to put the test down. And that's for a pregnancy I wanted.

(I'm guessing this is a very naive and female-biased list. I know things like losing your job, losing your spouse, money troubles, etc should probably be on this list. (Would be on this list if I were a man.) But I'm just listing the things that currently cause me the most fear. I'm sure it will change over time...)

What are your fears?